Friday 4 July 2008

Hung Like a Horse

(originally posted 9 June 08 and modified 4 July 08)

Now that I have your attention, I’m sorry to disappoint you. This posting will not feature photos of men with large genitalia. Nor, however, does my title to refer to the bizarre and little-known punishment, confined it seems to Mel Brooks’ vision of the old American West, of hanging a horse for being a man thief. For that, you see, the phrase would be “hanged like a horse,” which is, my friends, the point of this posting.

Feeling a bit hazy? Don’t worry—you’re in good company. It seems that even the most literate of us kitties has trouble remembering that when a human being (or, presumably, another animal subjected to capital punishment or accidental death) is the object of “hang,” the proper past tense form of the verb is “hanged.” When is the last time you heard someone say, “He hanged himself”? Assuming you don’t work at a suicide crisis center, probably a while. But I bet you’ve heard “he hung himself” a time or three lately, nicht wahr?

Perhaps you feel this distinction is too trivial to merit mention. I admit that I do not have my usual reaction of gagging followed by a discrete spewing of projectile vomit when the humans of my acquaintance or in the media or both fail to make it. Yet I must fight against the slippery slope, that muddy slide that has brought us such indignities as “infer” for “imply,” “nutritional” for “nutritious,” and “paternalistic” for “paternal.” I mean, it’s bad enough to be accused of expending your energy reading another person’s mind when you are in fact using that precious commodity to convey, tacitly, some unpalatable fact or opinion. Perhaps Martin Buber’s formulation will help: I imply; thou infers.

Still, it’s far worse to be told that a particular food is merely “nutritional,” i.e. that it is food, when it is in fact packed with vitamins, minerals, meat, vegetables, and flavonoids. Ditto for “paternalistic”: “Paternal” is a beautiful word with a beautiful meaning; the –istic suffix is there to turn it into a distortion. Please let’s not lose that rather large distinction between fatherly and chauvinistically authoritarian. (Funny how you never hear “maternalistic.” Hmmm… I’ll let the feminists chew on that one.)

Speaking of chewing, it’s time for my dinner. Meowlicious AND nutritious!